OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
