Just took my morning after pill in the library
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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