So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
