you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
