I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
