i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
