ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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