Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
