I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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