Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
