After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
