What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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