Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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