I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
