Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
