if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
420 ftw
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
