So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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