dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
