he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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