There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
