there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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