how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
