so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Too much gin, very little bucket
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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