He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
