Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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