apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
