So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
