You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize