I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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