Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
