Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
