Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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