just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
