Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
