dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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