If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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