lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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