So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
