Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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