That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he was CRYING into my vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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