I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
