She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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