when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
