If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
