Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
