And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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