piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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