This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
