This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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