I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
