There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
