I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
