I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
