its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
