If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
