We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
