I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
