i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
