i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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