Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
