but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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