all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
