You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
