Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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