Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
