just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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