wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
