there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
