if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
