I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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