you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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