K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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