are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
