I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
