Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
