i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
