I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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