Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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