i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
