Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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