dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
