She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
