Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
