I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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