I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
