this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
