Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
