At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
