# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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