i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
