there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
