So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
