just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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