all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
