with your own penis?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
