why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
